The Beav according to Beav

Still crazy after all these years.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

I need to bust some mad rhymes, yo

We get a few "back home" channels here in Korea. One of them (naturally) is ESPN. I don't think it's the flagship ESPN; maybe it's ESPN 8 (the Ocho). I am currently watching a show on this channel called Hip Hop Hold'em. Wow.

I used to watch Celebrity Poker Showdown very regularly, until they replaced Phil Gordon with Phil Hellmuth. (Who'd have thought Hellmuth could be so bland?) This show is roughly the same concept, only all the people associated with it are associated with the Hip Hop scene. Even down to the "tournament director" who calls all the action: Ed Lover. The biggest complaint (and one I heard often) about CPS was that the celebrities really played badly; the quality of poker just wasn't there. I'm here to tell you, they were all WPT finalists compared to the poker on this show. the betting strategy seems to be based on ego rather than any logical or sane ... well, betting strategy.

I've got to find a way into hip hop so I can get on this show.

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  • At 11:48 AM, Blogger Soo Mi said…

    Perhaps you could "pop and lock" a little, maybe do the robot, while singing, "Pentiums."

    Oh, and you need to acquire an excess of sparkly jewelry. And a weapon. A can of Axe body spray ought to do it.

  • At 10:48 AM, Blogger MthNrd said…

    Let's see you need to work on teh street cred. You need to get shot (and survive), you need a rap sheet, and you may need to father a couple of illegitimate kids while over there as well. I don't think the wife would mind, too much. Just tell her it is all for you career as a Hip Hop Poker Star.

    Oooh, I almost forgot you need a satge "Whitey McWhite" or "Ridiklis" or something...

  • At 10:49 AM, Blogger MthNrd said…

    SSS...should have been "the street cred", "stage name"

  • At 6:20 PM, Blogger Soo Mi said…

    Nah, I liked your post as written, mthnrd. I just kinda worked.

    I would also like to suggest a neck tattoo as well. Maybe pi, or a d20.

  • At 6:21 PM, Blogger Soo Mi said…

    okay... I meant, it kinda worked. I don't work, not even kinda.

  • At 3:25 AM, Blogger Beav said…

    Ok. So I could make it a theme. Axe body spray; an axe; sparkly axes and shields as jewelry (imagine Flava-Flav, but a buckler instead of the clock).

    I really like Ridiklis as a name (is it me, or would that really work?). Keeping with the "axe" theme, I could be cut instead of shot. And if I can't generate a rap sheet with axes, there's no help for me.

    As for the illegitimate kids...well, perhaps we can make some up. Something tells me if I start to work making some, I won't need to worry about how I'll get cut or shot.

    And neck tattoos? Sounds great, but I'm not real keen on an actual needle piercing the skin up there. Perhaps just draw it on every morning?

  • At 10:48 AM, Blogger Soo Mi said…

    Well, you could always get those very lovely girls at the art shows to do some henna stuff on the neck.

    Oh, and as for the illegitimates, just adopt a herd of orphans like Brad and Angelina.

    You don't want to fake anything. I mean, look at Vanilla Ice. Even if his MC name wasn't truly stupid, and even if he hadn't swiped Queen's tune for his one-and-only so-called hit, he was doomed to failure for telling lies. Rap horribly all you want, but nobody likes a liar.


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