The Beav according to Beav

Still crazy after all these years.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

'Tis the Season

Hope you did your Christmas shopping early this year (if you celebrate Christmas). I heard a story the other day of two women fighting over a "Tickle Me Elmo." I wasn't aware that he was even a hard-to-come-by item this year. This is the story I heard on the radio news. They didn't mention names (and rightly so), so I'll make up Alice and Barb. (My sincerest apologies to anyone named Alice or Barb who doesn't like to get involved in these kind of things.)

Alice (who has a baby in her cart) reaches over to get a "Tickle Me Elmo." Barb, who must have been on her way to do the same thing, says "That's mine, b****!" and punches Alice. Alice's little one starts to cry (probably scream, as someone just jacked Mom), so Barb yells at Alice's baby to shut up. By this time, Alice is giving as good as she got, and now it's just a free-for-all.

Given the story, I kinda have to let Alice off the hook. Even though she did start to throw down, it was after getting blindsided (essentially), and having some strange woman (who just hit her) yell at her baby. I'm fairly non-confrontational, but just having some stranger start yelling at my son would have my hackles up. Had that person hit me first (causing the situation they're yelling at him for), I'd probably be going downtown for aggravated assault.

Setting that aside, what the heck are these women thinking?! I've heard of fighting over toys before (not that I've understood it in the past), but that toy came out years ago! It can't be too hard to find! Besides that, there are other toys in the store. If someone got it, someone got it. There is no money in slugging it out for something that'll be broken and/or forgotten by this time next year.

Another fun story for the holiday season: A nearby middle school has forbidden the eighth-grade girls from singing Santa Baby during the Holiday presentation this year. One might think it's because of the overt Christmas (as opposed to Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or any other religious holiday), but no! It's because the principal thought it was too sexually suggestive. When they ran the story, the DJ's on Bob quickly got and rolled with the song so we could all listen carefully to the lyrics. And now you get to get my opinion. There is sexual suggestion there, but it is entirely in the delivery. When you have Marilyn Monroe or Eartha Kitt sing a song like that, it'll be suggestive. The lyrics have almost no sex in there whatsoever (it was written in 1953!). They are, however, obscenely materialistic. I mean, the artist starts by asking for a fur coat and a car. A platinum mine!? Whew! I'm just glad my wife doesn't sing.


Thursday, December 09, 2004

Holiday? Party!

Well, last night we went to a Holiday Party. It was loads of fun. The folks at the top had to get up to the mic and (badly) sing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town;" there was dinner, drinking, and dancing; and of course, a raffle of door prizes (which I didn't win). But, my wife and I had a good time mingling and talking. She even got me on the dance floor (when the music was slow).

They even had a babysitting room just down the hall, so my young'un was looked after. But, true to form, they got more than they bargained for with my little dude. By the time they closed the babysitting room down and we picked him up (about 4 hours), he had already learned the names of all the babysitters (all women). And as we walked out of the building, one little girl gushed "Bye, Ryan!" Man! Why couldn't I have had that effect on women?

So, I guess we all had a good time at the party.