The Beav according to Beav

Still crazy after all these years.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Throaty chuckle?

So, I had a cold 2-3 weeks ago, and a cough persisted after all the rest went away. My throat started hurting, and I was sure that it was getting dried out (not near as much humidity here as FL) so I'm drinking water like a fish breathes it. Yesterday, it got much worse over lunch, and I gritted my teeth in pain any time I swallowed. I downed 1/2 a dozen Sucrets after lunch, and they did very little. So, it occurred to me that perhaps there was something more than localized dehydration going on.

I pick up my son, then my wife, and we head to the "Urgent Care Center" on base. I sign in, wait, get my vitals taken, wait, describe my symptoms again & get my throat swabbed, wait, wait, get called into a room in the back, wait, and get to talk to a doctor. He takes a quick look in my ears, then my throat. "Okay, we'll see how the strep culture comes back. Even if it comes back negative, I'm gonna give you some penicillin because your throat is the color of that bio waste container." Then I wait some more. (Don't you sometimes wonder if they make you wait so much to see if you'll decide that it's not bad enough to waste the time?) The doctor comes back to tell me that the results are in: Strep=Very Yes. So, I'm gonna get penicillin and a steroid to reduce the swelling in my throat. He leaves and I remove my outer shirt in prep for the couple of shots I am about to receive. I wait some more, the nurse arrives with a couple of needles, and I find out that removing my shirt was completely unnecessary. Not going in that way. (D'oh!)

So, there I was, laying face down on a hospital table/bed thing with my pants pulled down. Not Alpha-Betas-showing-their-stuff-to-the-Lambda-Lambda-Lambda-crowd down, but more like Britney-Spears-showing-her-stuff-to-the-entire-world down. So, you'd have been able to see my thong underwear (had I been wearing some), but nothing disgusting (other than the thought of me wearing thong underwear). Just for those of you looking forward to this experience, even if the nurse counts down to the stick, the first time your ass is punctured by a needle, it's a surprise.

Today, I'm at home, being as non-contagious as possible, drinking lots of liquids, and generally expending little energy. So, without delay, here's my next quiz result

You Are Internal - Realist - Powerful

You feel your life is controlled internally.
If you want something, you make it happen.
You don't wait around for things to go your way.
You value your independence and don't like others to have control.

You are a realist when it comes to luck.
You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.
You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...
But you do your best to try to make your own luck.

When it comes to who's in charge, it's you.
Life is a kingdom, and you're the grand ruler.
You don't care much about what others think.
But they better care what you think!


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Saturday, March 25, 2006

Stereotypeses, Bah!

I am so lucky. Last weekend, my wife replaced the battery in my car. She was barefoot and pregnant and in the garage! How awesome! (Not that that's how she should be, but as a caricature of the old sexist stereotype.) The thing that was so fantastic about it, besides the humor, was that she is so comfortable with all the handyman type tasks that are so stereotypically male. I love the way we defy stereotypes without even trying. Sweet.

Something occurred to me this morning: one of the many phrases used to describe something as extremely easy is "Cheesecake," and yet cheesecake is notoriously difficult to make properly. So now, I'm puzzled. If anyone can come up with a "phrase etymology," please let me know.

And finally, another quiz result. My temperament:

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.
You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.
You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.

It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.
You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.
While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.

At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.
You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.
You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.


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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Off Madison

You'd have to live under a rock or be Amish to not hear/see commercials, almost on a continual basis. I find them interesting on many levels, particularly in what they say about us, the audience (or perhaps what the writers think of us). I am often irritated by commercials that so obviously expect me (or the audience) to be an idiot. "Look how crappily this works! (When I use it crappily) See how much better our product works! (when I use it much better)" I mean, really.

And then there's a commercial that runs here that has the idiocy in the wrong place. A local eye doctor does "intralase" laser eye surgery. The cool thing about it is that they don't cut a flap in your cornea before carving it with the laser. The particular spot that creeps me out is narrated by nurse that works for the good doctor "'s not as scary and I think it's perfectly safe." Huh?!?! She states her opinion as fact and what should be fact as her opinion. Is it perfectly safe? Or has her boss just convinced her that it is?

But not all commercials suck. I heard one this morning in which a young woman relates that both her parents love Country Music, so "it was only natural when I got a guitar, I would go into Country Music...or not." The commercial goes on to say that every girl should find her own voice. I can't agree more, though I wouldn't restrict that comment to girls. Everyone should find their own voice, particularly when it comes to creating something. Any creation should really come from the soul (or the heart, if you like) of the creator. Very cool. And the new VW ad campaign with the German urban dude just rocks!

And what do I have from the quiz front today? The Open-mindedness quiz:
You Are 72% Open Minded
You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded.Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints.But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line.You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

(Robot Roll Call)


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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Hate is such a hateful word

There is one person in the world I hate. I don't like to say hate...let's just say that I loathe and detest her with all of my being. It's not something I'm proud of. But, in the interest of perhaps purging (without all the binging to go with it), I'd like to tell the tale.

I was working a mid, having one of those discussions you only really have on a midshift. I tell a buddy about a girl I knew who tried to convince me that the Bible specifically prohibits interracial relationships (disclosure: I am a white man married to a black woman). She had quoted to me "...shalt not keep your sheep with your oxen, nor your oxen with your sheep." (though I can't find it now, I did look it up and it seems to be a simple warning about keeping your sheep and cattle separate) She claimed that it was a metaphor for the races. So anyway, I tell this little story to Petey, and Kathy (my nemesis) chimes in from the front of the room "That's right!" I was stunned. Literally speechless for a minute, as I swung slowly to face her. I was amazed on 2 different levels, actually. First, that she could be in the military (Navy) and still believe that. Second, that she could be in the military and state that belief out loud. You can get in serious trouble saying things like that.

"Yeah, the bible says that."
"Ok, so my basic summary of Jesus' message to mankind goes something like 'let's all get along.' How does that begin to jive with a racist message like that?"
"Well, it was different in Biblical times...with the 12 had to keep the bloodlines pure."

This is where it really started to sound like Hitler to me, and the anger started to bubble past the puzzlement. (And, I have to admit, I made a bit of a jump, logically.)

"Kathy, what is impure about my marriage?"

She sputtered to a halt, and we didn't really say anything after that. I went for a long walk out in the parking lot and was unable to speak to her for roughly a week.

Even apart from this fun tale, Kathy is/was my antithesis in every way. She seems on the side of ignorance, championing its cause. She actively avoided gaining any knowledge, and seemed dead-set on ensuring that same attitude in her young son. She also had a policy of bringing a new toy home to him every single day. I cannot fathom a course of action more likely to make him an absolutely miserable adult. Shortly before Christmas, she informed me that I was getting a divorce because I was going to surprise my wife with a tool set (that she had specifically requested) instead of jewelry (that Kathy insisted was what she really wanted). Any refutations that I knew something about my wife were met with insistence that I just didn't know women.


But my day's not all hate and loathing...I followed the links on Kris's blog the other day, and one of them found my weakness: online quizzes. So, I've got a few results I'll share with you in the coming weeks. First: my Five Factor Personality Profile.

Your Five Factor Personality Profile


You have low extroversion.
You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.
A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.
You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people.


You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.


You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.


You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

Have fun!


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